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To satisfy the creepers (you know who you are)

July 31, 2011

Hey, it's me and my husband. I exist. I look like this. Without the man attached, obviously.

Fun fact! I’m an administrator over at my husband’s blog, Duct Tape Wedding Ring, and I can see what you guys search that gets you there. I’ve noticed a weird trend since he was all CNN-ified the other day — mostly that people are getting to his blog trying to figure out what the hell I look like. Or how much I weigh. Or just information about our marriage/wedding in general.

I mean, come on. Someone (four someones, actually) found his blog by searching “will nevin” weight wife -“brotha”. Why that in particular? Well, searching “will nevin wife” actually takes you to a lot of Stephen’s blog entries…they call each other “brotha wives” after a 13-mile-induced hysteria that went into Mormonism and polygamy and I have no idea what else. It’s a running joke. So they’re trying to figure out how much I weigh. Other people have searched for my name. Or “will nevin wife.”

Is this hella creepy to anyone else? I hope it is. I figure there’s a genuine curiosity as to what I look like for anyone who isn’t patient enough to read through Will’s blog…it’s not like you can’t see me on the home page or anything. Well, the picture here’s taken care of that, I’d think. I also hope they’ve stumbled across the other stuff I’ve done online. Like where I went undercover for what basically amounts to sex work — and had customers. Maybe they’ll even make it here. And since people usually aren’t too into reading, I guess some things need repeating.

Since the world wonders how much I weigh — yeah, it’s more than Will. Duh. I stopped the dieting madness. (Yeah, it’s madness — and a multi-billion dollar industry that basically profits off human insecurity.) I still use food to make myself happy sometimes. But I can cook with whole vegetables. I get better food in me than he does, I think. Granted — I’m still gonna have a slice of pie, or a bowl of popcorn if I feel like it.

1st Grade: Oh, those early growth spurts.

After losing about 50 pounds at the outset of the whole diet thing (remember, we started at pretty much the same time), I’ve gained some back. Why? Because I’m not subscribing to the Nutrisystem crap anymore. I feel better now than I ever did then, and it’s because I’m not subsisting off what basically amounts to MREs. Those things are pumped full of so much shit that it’s practically impossible to think that they’re doing you any good.

I now hover somewhere between 280-290 (depends on the week, how much water I’ve had, or any number of other variables…that’s how the body works). Am I ashamed? Nah. Do I hate myself? Only when people are assholes on the Internet, and even then it’s only temporary and I really only hate myself for listening to those people for one second.

The search for that damn white rabbit continues.

Even when I was a “normal” weight — or at least appeared to be — I was bigger than everyone else. Taller, meatier. It’s genetics at play, people. (See my 1st grade photo above, with Kelly and Caleb and a dose of 90s fashion as well as glasses where I got to choose a slightly “rosy” glass. Why did my mom let me do that? I don’t know.) My dad’s 6’7″. There was pretty much no way I was getting out of life without some of that attached. Granted, after a couple of injuries in my earlier days, I put on a bit more, but it happens. Those injuries still come back to haunt me sometimes (and if you’re worried about it, your tax money’s never been involved because I’ve had to just “walk them off” — our healthcare system’s so broken that I probably couldn’t get an appropriate diagnosis without spending thousands that we just don’t have). I also have another disorder that causes weight gain — again, can’t do a thing about it.

Anyway. Now you know how much I weigh, what I look like, and…well, probably more than I wanted to say in the first place. Meh. If you’re concern trolling (saying that you only care about my wellbeing), leave that mess at the door. If you’re here to tell me that if I just did the same thing as Will that I’d totally be perfect, I might laugh in your virtual face. You weren’t there to see it like I was. No way I’m putting myself through that.

As it is now, I can get my body to do anything it needs to. It has yet to stop me from doing anything. I love horseback riding, even though I haven’t gotten to do that in the past few years, I want to eventually start running (assuming those injuries don’t come back to slap me in the face), I fit in airline seats. I can find fashionable clothing, though it’s so much harder to find high-quality items. (Nordstrom helps.) I wear short skirts (and long jackets), dresses, shorts, or anything else I want to. It’s a lot easier to be this fat at 5’11”, I’m sure. But anything I do — it’s to make me happy, not you. So now that you know what you came for…well, I hope your curiosity’s sated.

4 Comments leave one →
  1. July 31, 2011 6:51 am

    You go girl!

  2. July 31, 2011 8:03 am

    This was a great read, and A++ Cake reference.

  3. July 31, 2011 3:16 pm

    You’re great the way you are, don’t listen to the internet. Those of us who actually know you think you’re awesome. ❤

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